Frustrating week

You know the kind. One of those weeks where the best of intentions and plans all blow up in your face and there is nothing you can do about it but sit and wish for it to get better.

You read about our field trip and the loads of fun we had there. I'm still upset about the final part of that trip. My letter to the curator is in its final draft now. I included the recall notice for the Magnetix toys, so hopefully they will look into things after receiving it.

Flash to the following day, when Josh was scheduled for speech. Joshua was tired and extremely grouchy. This isn't abnormal for him on therapy days at all. He hates getting up before he is ready, and who can blame him? But you have to do it sometimes. I always give him a bath in the morning instead of night because the water has a calming effect on him and we are usually fine from that point on.

So, the day is going as planned. Josh had his bath and had perked back up to his regular happy and silly self and we head over to my mother's house for her to watch the other kids. We were following our usual routine just fine. I always make a point of getting there at least 15 minutes early so Josh gets the chance to go in and find a car to bring with him. It's his transition object and is something he needs, so we do it and that's that. No questions. I've learned not to question why he needs the things he does...we just do it and life is good, so long as the routine is kept.

We get to my mother's and due to circumstances beyond her control involving an elderly neighbor, she is unable to babysit the kids while I take Joshua to therapy. Unfortunately, I do not know this is going to be the case until 2 minutes before we have to leave. We thought it would be settled by the time I would have to go, so I didn't have time to prepare him. HUGE mistake!

So, I drag all of the kids to therapy with us so my mother can help the neighbor. This TOTALLY threw Josh off. I tried explaining to him on the way to the clinic what was going on and why, but of course, he couldn't get past the fact that he didn't understand why we were taking the other kids. Traffic was horrible, which we haven't had happen in months, so that didn't help matters either. When he wasn't asking me why Jacob and the girls were with us instead of staying at Nona's, I was being asked why we were stopping.

We parked in the same parking space we always try to get. Josh was fine at first, busily showing Jacob everything he looks at each week before we go inside...but then I took out the stroller. HUGE mistake #2. He decided he had to ride in it. I told him he couldn't because the girls had to ride in it...he's a big boy and doesn't need the stroller anymore, etc, etc.

He proceeds to throw a major tantrum over this. All the way up the elevator, the entire time we are in the waiting area. The therapist, came out to get him and he starts screaming and yelling about having to go to see her and he doesn't like her, etc. Some guy actually came from the opposite side of the room to stand in front of us and stare at him throwing this tantrum. It was so embarrassing. I just wanted to melt away to nothing.

This is the first session I have sent Joshua in the room by himself for therapy. I always go in with him to see what she does with him, because Joshua can't understand my questions well enough to tell me what they have done. From what the therapist said, he pitched a fit for about 10 minutes back there. Then they played (with him grouching most of the time) and she only spent a couple of minutes asking him "wh" questions.

I hate that one little thing being different can throw him off so bad. I hate that I have to live on pins and needles all of the time waiting to see if I screwed up a routine that I didn't even realize I had made. I hate the stares we got, especially by the guy that came specifically to watch while Josh was throwing his fit...he watched us as if he thought I was beating him when all I was doing was sitting with Josh on my lap, the therapist right next to me. I hate days like this past Wednesday.

I love Josh so much. It isn't his fault. I still haven't figured out how to make the unexpected changes a little easier for him. Don't get me wrong...he has improved dramatically in the past year, so long as he is given a lot of preparation for the chage. And I am so extremely proud to see the progress that he has made. Now I just have to work on what to do in situations such as the one presented on this particular day.

I spoke to the therapist about us possibly taking a break from speech for a little while to try and regroup and give him a break. She said of course it is always up to me, and it might or might not do any good. I'm frustrated...we are so close to being caught up to where he needs to be, so I worry taking a break may have disasterous consequences. At the same time, I could use a break myself. I am worn out. Anyway, what we decided to do is finish the two sessions we currently have scheduled, and then take about 3 months off to see how he does. We'll schedule a recheck type of visit at that point to see where we're at, unless I feel he needs to return sooner.

In the meantime, I'm going to be looking to see if there is some sort of speech curriculum I can use here at home and sneak it into his school time without him realizing it too much. I have the list I made of what his newest goals are since his re-evaluation, so I am sure we can meet some of those by the time we go back in.