Picture Time!

I thought now would be a good time to share a few recent pics of the kiddos. :)

Jacob is 5 years old, soon to be 6:


Joshua is our little 4 year old:


Cassidy will be 2 the end of next month:


And Elena will be 9 months old on the 3rd:

Always remembered

On yesterday, April 26th, Meemaw passed away. She was a wonderful wife, a mother of 4, grandmother to 15, and great-grandmother of 21, as well as a true friend and confidant. She will be truly missed by many people. The funeral will be Saturday. Once things settle down I can hopefully get back into the blogging spirit and add some links and such. ;)

Joshua had his final socialization class today. He has a lot of strong points according to Ms. G. He remembers names very well, and recognizing people is not a problem. His eye contact is variable, which she said was normal. She also said he is really on task some days, and others he is easily distracted. He was doing fine up until the past two sessions, and both of those we have had all of the stress around Meemaw. She thinks that probably has a lot to do with it.

She did also say that she is extremely impressed with us, which really surprised me! She was very impressed with how well we have handled things. For the past 3 weeks, Silas would come home from work and as he walked in the door, I walked out to go and spend long hours at the nursing home. It's been very exhausting, and many nights I wouldn't get home until 11pm or later, only to get up with the kids early the next day. I have no regrets...I felt I needed to be there, so I was, and Silas was wonderful about watching the kids while I handled things as I felt I should.

How do you say Goodbye?

I went to see Meemaw again tonight. Basically she has to make the decision tonight as to whether or not she wants to live or die. I was able to spend a lot of time with people in and out the whole time. I wanted to tell her I was ok with whatever decision she made, but all I could get out was that I love her and hate seeing her in the hospital. I just could not figure out how to broach the subject in the few minutes we got alone. The rest of the time was spent making small talk between hallucinations. I just could not figure out the right words to say tonight, and usually that is never a problem for me. Maybe tomorrow will be easier.

Long day

Meemaw, my grandmother, is in the hospital. She does not appear to be doing well at all one minute, and then the next she is sharp-tongued and laughing. Then a few minutes later she is passed out in the hospital bed. It is hard seeing her like this. I spent three hours with her tonight, feeding her ice chips, keeping her and the other family members company, and trying to bite my tongue on many things.

Biting my tongue takes a lot of effort these days. It is hard having to see the irresponsibility of people who are taking care of my grandmother - a former nurse - in the nursing home and at times, the hospital. She has been written off by doctors who could have offered her a very possible cure. It is sickening to think about, and even more sickening to know that those people can keep a clear conscious about the situation.

There are some wonderful people who have taken care of her though, and I try not to forget about that. We have had an aid, Pam, that was gentle and very caring for almost two years. There have been some wonderful nurses. Today, Meemaw's nurse was named Angel, and my family took that as a positive sign....and she seemed to live up to her name while I was there. And then there was a wonderful PA who performed the spinal tap on Meemaw in the ER last night....he basically did it blind from what my aunt said, and he was not only gentle with Meemaw, but also took the time and made the effort to let her know every step he was going to take just before he did it.

So, there are some good ones out there. I can only hope that they outweigh the bad.

Holland??

No, I don't live there, nor have I ever visited. So, why Holland you ask? I will explain.

There is a story by Emily Perl Kingsley about parenting a special needs child. The title is "Welcome To Holland". I love the story, and it is very touching and hits a personal note. Joshua, my 4 year-old son, has high-functioning Autism. Obviously this isn't the parenting journey we were planning when he was born, but it is an adventure we are learning to accept with open minds and hearts.

First Post

I guess I have to make a first post eventually. LOL I'm not the best writer, but I feel I need a place to get out all my thoughts and place for my ramblings instead of boring my poor husband to death. :) I am hoping I can keep up with this one better than the severely lacking paper bound ones I own. Time will tell, I suppose.